Wednesday, July 06, 2005

The Revised Jordanian Highway Code

I would propose a new Jordanian Highway code based on reality, my new rules are as follows:-

Indicator lights are an optional extra in a car - who needs them, everyone knows what you are going to do, don't they?

If in doubt, stick your hand out of the drivers side windows - a slight hand gesture expresses a multitude of complex maneuvers

Feel free to stop anywhere, it doesn't matter where you are as long as you put your "park anywhere" hazard indicators on

All mandatory signs are guidance only - you don't need to adhere to them if you don't want to

If your mobile phone rings while driving, you must answer it! Hands free kits are for wimps!

Sending SMS messages is acceptable while driving, the other drivers will notice your staring at the phone screen and make allowances accordingly.

If there is a large queue of traffic at the traffic lights, just short cut the queue by using the opposing lane and go to the front of the queue.

If you can save 30 seconds by chopping lanes in stationary traffic, do so.

Don't bother looking when merging in traffic, the other drivers will make high speed evasive maneuvers if they need to

If traffic wants to merge from side roads, don’t let them, even if it means blocking them in when you could have let them go.

If you want to move against opposing traffic, just nudge out, somebody will stop

Servicing your car is important but why bother with the proper service intervals or schedules for European cars, your local non specialized mechanic will do a great job.

Its myth that new cars need super or unleaded fuel, normal petrol is perfectly fine

Treat the road like a race track, weaving in and out of traffic at speed is acceptable if its saves time in your journey

When traffic lights switch to amber before green, beep your horn just in case the driver at the front of the queue has died.

Overloading your vehicle is fine, just remember that that extra down force traction on the tires means you can go even faster!

When driving on the motorway, if the car in front is obstructing your journey, either flash your lights several times or overtake on the narrow section between the car and crash barrier, there's always plenty of room.

Published clearances for braking distances are always over estimated, one metre is more than adequate

Double parking on streets is okay as long as the “park anywhere” lights are on and you’ll only be 30 minutes minimum

If you are a pedestrian, don’t bother looking for traffic before crossing, it always stops for you

Sidewalks are not for pedestrians, just walk in the middle of the road and don’t look around to see if traffic is coming.

Accessorising your car is essential, always spend as much as you can on meaningless English sticker slogans – they do make your car go faster!

If you own a BMW, you must obtain a “M” motor sport badge to signify your desire to better your mode of transportation

Remember, you are god’s gift to driving.


Blogger Jad said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:58 PM  
Blogger Jad said...

you forgot to mention that idiot driver who try to stick to driving regulations needs at least 10 eyes around his/her head in order to understand whats going on

8:00 PM  
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4:32 AM  
Blogger Rambling Hal said...

Here's how I'm learning to deal with Jordan's suicidal driving: Give the right of way to the hmar (i.e. donkey). Which means, anyone I spot acting like he owns the road, gets the road, as I sit back and wait for him to get out of my sight. Otherwise I'm going to have an ulcer before I'm 30 and die of extreme hate.

Another thing you can try is get yourself a Hummer and drive like it's your right to have everyone get the F*** out of your way. Think of yourself as the King of the Road!

8:57 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

These rules sound about right. I'm sure the government will vote on including them sometime next week.

12:38 PM  
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